My mother once said to me when I was in my early thirties, "God am I so glad that I hit menopause, no more worries about men, now I can do what I want." as she related how she was planning to do some research in the Amazon. She's an anthropologist. She fought hard for her degree, losing my father in the process and having to raise five children and losing two (my brother and I) to a typical custody battle with all the typical white male priviledge of money and power.

So here I am, forty-one. I have fought my battles, fought a custody battle and won for my own children, raised them and now I am doing what I want. No longer a slave to the breeder function that my then husband wanted me to be. No longer feeling that being a 'good girl' has anything to do with meeting my own needs.

New beginnings start everyday, sometimes everyday hour as we re-assess where we stand in the moment, in the continuum of this thing we call 'life'.

I started a company, particularly chosen by me because its what I always wanted to do, but could never get hired in when I was younger, no doubt because of the traditional "man only" stereotype. I have lots of responsibility, but thanks to years of dealing with school teachers, bureacrats and obnoxiously pushy men, I am ready for it.

I wear what I want to wear and am learning to say what I want to say. In my business I often meet women older than myself who have decided who they are and what they want. They offer support, encouragement and thus I go on.

Gaining my voice, I know my inner voice and have learned to heed it more and more. Now I must learn to speak it. Speak out loud. Not to fear retribution or disapproval of some overbearing man who may use his position of maleness to push me to one side. Or using their position of maleness to hammer their desires in my mind. Nope. I will not give in. When I am right I am right. It is my decision.

Yes, being comfortable enough within my skin to stand resolute against the hot winds that often may blow around me.

As I get older I celebrate also that I no longer feel anger for women of priviledge, women who enjoy prestige or the comfortable financial support of their 'man'. I chose not to go that direction and for years wondered if I made the right choice. You know, not getting all hot and sexy to go and 'catch a man', but choosing instead to pursue my education or be there for my children.

Good choice now I know. My two daughters are resolute also. They have seen me fight the battles I fought with the male system and I made sure to give them opportunities to learn skills of inner strength and defense.

Yes, it worked. I raised three children successfully without a man. I suffered financially, but you know what? Who cares! I'm still alive and damn happy to be as well.

And no man did it for me. I didn't sell my soul or body for financial comfort and roughed it out and made it to the other side.

So I guess my new beginning would be to remember that I have climbed the mountain, I am over one hill, but there are many to climb and I am ready to conquer them.