My father replied to a Letter to the Editor in our local paper some time back. His point was brief, and well taken. In fact, he was awakened first thing in the morning when his letter ran by a phone call from another subscriber wishing to congratulate him on the letter.

In my opinion, however, it doesn't go far enough. He took his point just far enough to be suggested. IMHO, with letters like this, sometimes the best tactic is to demonstrate how ludicrous they truly are. So, without further ado..... here's the original letter, my father's response, and my own response:

Believers must bring God back
It is more than time that the 80-plus percent of believers in God take back their country - yes, their country.

This is huge. The belief in God was one of the founding reasons for this country. We the believers are sitting back and hiding our light and letting a small percentage of nonbelievers dictate to us what will happen in our country regarding our God.

Stop and stand up and shout God. Put God everywhere - in your home, in your business, on your car and on your shirts. Let's make a show for the nonbelievers. Say "God bless you" to everyone; say in "one nation under God." Pray everywhere. Display the Ten Commandments. Love that your money says "In God We Trust." Don't let them stop you in any manner.

Fight against the nonbelievers at every place they are and on every
issue. Bring God back. Make it political. Everyone, write and call your congressmen and senators and your president. Demand that God be reinstated in full. If they do not, vote them out and tell them this:
This has to become the issue of the current century. God is coming. Are you ready?

To the loud minority of nonbelievers: Leave my country alone! If you don't like the Ten Commandments, then don't, but I have the right to believe in them. If you don't want to say "one nation under God," then don't, but I still can. If you do not want "In God We Trust" on your money, go somewhere where the money says what you want.

If you don't like God's country, then leave - and may God bless you and have mercy on your soul.

[name withheld]
Creswell, OR

U.S. also home to nonbelievers
[name withheld] (letters, April 3) calls for "believers" to stand and demand that this country adopt their beliefs. Those who can't or won't are once again invited to leave, to go somewhere where their beliefs rule.

This is only our country if we accept and adopt the mores of the believers. Never mind that we too were born here - the call for crusade has been issued.

Isn't the mantra of "God bless you and have mercy on your soul" the last utterance heard by the victims of the Inquisition, the crusades and the religious wars of the past? Will it be a rallying cry in our future?

[name withheld]
Springfield, OR

And my own response:
Believers must bring Glod back
(with apologies to Terry Pratchett)1

Yes, indeed. True believers in Glod must take back their country, otherwise known as the township of Creswell.

This is an enormous undertaking. The belief in Glod was one of the founding reasons for this country, falling in importance just underneath the desire to escape political oppression based on religion and suffering from tax increases designed to fund defensive efforts for the colonies. Indeed, the transcript of the first meeting between Sam Adams and Ben Franklin certainly included something like this:

SA: Forsooth, we must bond together and form a nation. We all believe in Glod!

BF: Indeed. But- which Glod is your Glod? My Glod tells me that we shouldst not kick the derrieres of our master, the nutso King of England.

SA: Infidel! Thou leavest God's Country. Hie thee to thy dear France

BF: Exaunts right

It is critical that all believers stand up and announce the presence of Glod. After all, although he is omniscient, we are exhorted to put Glod everywhere. This can only be done by throwing out all of the experience and learning that we as a species have attained in the centuries since the founding of our country.

Fight against the nonbelievers in every place you can, for Glod says to turn the other cheek. By this, naturally he means to slap the cheeks of the nonbelievers with a turned trout. Rejoice, for thy money also praises Glod. Print more, so that thy pockets will be overflowing with Glod. Don't let them stop you in any manner. Bring Glod back. Reinstate him, for all know that he has become ineffective, halted in his effictiveness by his own decision to grant free will. Repeal free will, and make Glod more effective.

To the majority who prefer to keep Glod in Glod's home, I say: leave Creswell alone! Ignore Glod's laws at your peril, but do not impede in my ability to follow them. Thou shalt not force me to covet my neighbor's wife; nay, nor to fail to respect my father and mother. I laugh in your un-Glod-loving faces as I chant "one nation, under Glod" while rocking nervously.

Only those who welcome Glod are themselves welcomed here. Everyone else- move to Canadia.

1: For those who don't know, Glod is a Dwarf in the Discworld universe. Owing to a mispelled curse, he was replicated by King Creosote, who believed that he was acquiring quite a lot of yellow metal. Imagine his surprise.....